Remember John Edwards? Son of a mill worker, $400 haircut getter, came pretty upsettingly close to being President of the United States? Cheated on his wife while she had terminal cancer with a woman who was the inspiration for a coke-addled character in a Jay McInerney novel? Fathered a child with that woman, which he denied up until a few weeks ago? Yeah, I kind of forgot about him too. But I’m sure glad he’s back!

Well, it’s a lucky day for those of us who want to know as many icky, repugnant details about Edwards as possible, because his former aide Andrew Young has just released a tell-all book called The Politician. And boy, does he tell it all. Some choice details:

– After visiting state fairs, Edwards would whine about he hated all the “fat rednecks.”

– Edwards cut out the labels of his Armani suits and replaced them with “Made In America” labels from other suits.

– Edwards promised his mistress that they would get married after Elizabeth Edwards died. That’s bad, but it gets worse: Edwards said he’d get the freakin’ Dave Matthews Band (!) to play at their wedding.

– After news of the affair came out, Bill Clinton called Edwards to ask him how he got caught.

And, of course, the absolute kicker, the crème de la crème: EDWARDS AND HIS MISTRESS MADE A SEX TAPE, which Andrew Young has.

Let me repeat that again, for full impact: SOMEWHERE OUT THERE, THERE IS A VIDEO WHERE YOU CAN WATCH FORMER VICE-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE JOHN EDWARDS BANGING SOME CHICK!!

I know, random guy from Google Images. I’m surprised too. But this mean anything at all? Well, not really. Edwards’ political career was pretty much over anyways—he’s so 2004—and even these new revelations have only barely catapulted him back into the public eye. And besides—we have a new Sexy Senator to focus on. Now there’s a sex tape I’d pay to see.

by Max Nussenbaum