Watch It Again: Netflux |
November 15, 2011 |
“On a snowy evening in the French Alps, the mood is just right for an attractive pair of strangers. They spend the evening talking and flirting, and they leave the air thick with sexual tension. There’s just one problem: Nobody has a condom! Now the search is on for that elusive prophylactic, but new revelations about the man and woman’s troubled pasts threaten to further derail the romantic night in this comic French thriller.” – Cum To Live description
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Cum To Live offers the after-the-after-party-vibe to the during-the-slumber-party-crowd and its no longer available. Unless you prepare ahead of time and order it in optical disc format, it looks like your only party will be spinning the bottle and spending heavenly minutes in the closet. That’s what really grinds my gears about Netflix: their inability to keep projects in perpetuity. Cum To Live, while not necessarily a American staple, does represent one among many movies that Netflix giveth and then taketh away. If they really want me to pay it forward, they’ll need to start buying movies and TV shows for the long term.
In addition, the movies they have eternal access to tend to be underwhelming or disappointing. Most recently, Netflix has encouraged me to check out Chop Kick Panda. Possibly based on my interest in kung fu, pandas, and hedonism; I decided to watch this family-friendly treat trick (spoilers ahead):
Zibo, a janitor panda/wannabe-tae-kwon-do-master at a local dojo in Serenity Falls, leads a cast of furry animals including his panda son Ming; a sexy, kitty love interest; Grandmaster tiger Haan; Haan’s evil tiger brother Slade; and Kojak, Ming’s super fast monkey friend. The plot’s primary conflict revolves around Slade, who wants to steal the Amulet of Fury from Grandmaster Haan (“With the Amulet in my possession I will be able to rule Serenity Falls with an iron fist”-Slade). The humor is mostly slapstick, for example, Zibo sets up a pile of boards and is unable to break through any of them, only managing to break his hand and the animation style is reminiscent of Cartoon Network. METHOD writer, Isaac Madwed, was taken by a scene in which Kojak proves his speed by snatching multiple pebbles from Zibo’s hands, unbeknownst to the panda. Slade attacks the dojo and Zibo puts on the Amulet of Fury, turning into ‘Chop Kick Panda’ and beating Slade up with a flurry of janitorial attacks. Grandmaster tiger Haan makes Zibo a master, encouraging him to continue to practice fighting to become a grandmaster (sequel opportunity). A short epilogue reveals that Ming definitely hooked up with the cat girl. The short film (42 minutes) is probably best intended for kids ages 6-10 or people who don’t know Kung Fu Panda exists or no one, because this movie makes me grumpy.
But with every thorn, comes its roses. Netflix has very funny ideas about me (partially due to sharing an account with my mother), giving me eccentric taste preference rows. Constantly watching and judging my instant viewing tastes, Netflix thinks I love Sentimental Independent movies, Feel Good documentaries, Emotional TV shows, Long Hot baths, Romantic British dramas, Soft Kisses, etc. By recognizing my guilty pleasures, they diversify my soils. They offer suggestions to take me on new adventures, growing beautiful red roses in my thorny bush. I want to chop and kick my way through social and cultural barriers through Netflix’s diversity of suggestions. You liked Schindler’s List, maybe you want to try Soul Plane. You loved Kung Fu Panda, boy, have we got a movie for you…
I’ve come to live with the fact that Netflix may not always have the best options. But, sometimes I don’t want to choose from every movie in existence. It’s easier to make a qwikster choice by browsing Netflix’s compendium of suggestions. I’m happy to have an account because when the air is thick with sexual tension on a first date, nothing sets the mood like a good movie.